How come my bike lane isn't carpeted in velvet, and how come I'm not escorted by two beautiful women on Colnagos who throw rose pedals in my path as I ride? Well, last time I checked, this was New York City, not Portland.
It’s no wonder then that the PistaDex is so high in cities like New York, Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, and LA. As the fixed-gear riding populations move from city to city they discard and replace their Pistas like hermit crabs discard and replace their shells.
Ah yes, alleycat "racing" and cyclocross are now coming together in a succession of bad mud-related puns. What does this mean? Well, certainly it was inevitable that New York’s urban fixed-gear riders’ minds should start wandering off-road. We’ve actually got legal trails in the Five Boroughs now, and running lights and dodging cars just gets boring after awhile. Furthermore, there's certainly nothing new about unsanctioned off-road racing, and I'm sure this sort of thing happens in the godless rain-soaked trend sponge of Portland all the time.
It (the National Hand Built Bike Show) Makes Me Resent Portland
As a New Yorker my image of Portland is that it’s some kind of moist cycling paradise, and this was furthered by the handmade bike show coverage. Apparently, the streets are lined with custom bike builders, and you can get one made while you wait. Just pop in, place an order, go next-door and spend 15 minutes shopping for organic hemp underwear or whatever it is that people wear out there, and then come back and pick up your new frame. Between the emails I get and the articles I read it seems like Portland is a place where cyclists frolic in ample bike lanes, race cyclocross in dresses, and lock their exquisitely-crafted bikes not with chains and u-locks but with trust and love. Of course, I should be happy for them, but instead I catch myself wanting to bring them here so they can choke to death on some reality.
It Makes Me Resent Portland
And what’s with all those townies and commuter bikes? Sure, I’m all for the marriage of craftsmanship and practicality, but is there a city on Earth where you can actually leave a bike like that outside? And if so, is it Portland? I think any city benign enough to ride bikes like that in would eat me alive—with kindness. Here in New York we’ve learned not to grow attached to our bikes in the same way that the gazelles of the African savanna know not to get too attached to their young.
Nonetheless, cycling is still regarded as a fringe activity. Sure, there are places where cycling is part of the mainstream culture, like Belgium, the Netherlands, and Portland, Oregon, but none of those places are in the United States.
On why New York should leave Bike Polo alone:
all it's going to do is get us laughed at by people in Portland who probably play it better, are coddled by ample bike lanes, and race cyclocross in dresses.
The Pacific Northwest
Pros:
--Huge bike culture
--Has actual cities as well as natural beauty
--Thriving cyclocross scene
Cons:
--Wet
--Portland sounds like Williamsburg, Brooklyn if it were exposed to radiation
--I’m haunted by the 1992 Cameron Crowe film “Singles”
--People who obsess over coffee like it’s wine drive me even crazier than people who obsess over wine
Brooklyn is second only to Portland in terms of being a cycling community at war with itself and in need of saving.
Actually, there are more, but I got bored. I'm sure you did too.
1 comment:
Well said.
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